And I’m just like I want to know nothing about the future. Maybe I’m afraid of the future and that’s why I don’t want to know a thing about it, or maybe (the most logical reason) I just want to live in the now and develop my own future. I don’t want to think or hope or find, whatever is “supposed” to happen in my future. I just want to sit back and take everything one step at a time and see where things lead me, and in that fact lead my own way to my future. Ill know when I’m in my future when I feel it, but for now I don’t want to know nothing at all about it.
clear again. im not worrying or thinking about you like i have been. i know i am making things a bigger deal than what it is because you never directly told me anything i was just assuming somethings and i realized that my assumptions were wrong and i cant jump to that conclusion. i like were i am at right now and i dont want to mess it up by thinking anything could happen again. so ill talk to you, but its nothing like that and its not going to be anything like that. we both are not good for each other right now and im pretty sure you think they same. so lets just live our lives without thing about anything between each other or hoping anything and see where we eventually end up in the far far future.
That my head is out of my ass now. School, school, and more school is whats going to be the main thing im focusing on right now. During the rest of the semester it will be gym and social time with friends. Work is something I really cant control and having two jobs and working everday besides wednesday has been alright so far, so I can continue to manage that. Money is the next thing, which means time for budgeting. I need to fill out my fasfa and regestier to vote. I might go up to the mva next wednesday and regestier to vote then. If not I will do it sometime when school is over with. When the spring semester is over with I will focus on what I want to do after my last year of ccbc. Am I going to go to a 4 year college, go to the marines, or work my way up at work. If I chose the 4 year college then I need to apply to it and figure out how I am going to be able to attend. If I chose the marines I need to go talk to a recuriter again, study for the test, take out my gauges, and get my dermals removed. If I chose to work my way up at oak crest I need to talk to Reuben and see what he thinks and maybe go to HR and see what they can do. Not focusing or thinking about a relationships right now; however, if someone does end up walking into my life and I have everything figured out its going to be like this: okay we can “date” but I have this and this and this I have to worry about so we arent going to make it offical and its not going to be offical so either take it like that or leave, sorry dude. And that may seem bitchy or cold or whatever but you cant focus yourself around someone else when you need to focus on yourself. You cant base your future around someone else. This is your life and you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, so you need to make the decisions on your own without factoring someone else in on it. So relationships, dating, and all that stupid shit right now is out the door. Not even thinking or worrying about it. Im independent and honestly im a lot better off on my own. But anyways im taking one step each and everday closer to what I want to do with my life and what I want and what I need in my life without anyone influencing or what not on my desicions. From here on out my decisions are all going to be based on me and no one else. Its what I want. Its what I need. Heads out my ass, and I feel great. Nice chat (:
Goals/to do list
- Focus on myself and only myself
- Eat healthier
- Stop drinking energy drinks
- Keep on going to the gym; get toned; lose the “fat” in the places i want it to be gone
- Be between 130 and 135 by may
- Keep saving
- Look into schools; talk to work about moving up when i get out of ccbc; marines?
- Start doing better in school
Im so tired of people saying and trying to fix things that:
- it is too late to fix
- they think that they can fix everything
- things are meant to be broken so someone else can fix it
If it’s broken it’s broken. Most cases there is not anything you can do it fix it. You can try, but more than likely it isnt going to go the way you hope. People need to stop trying to fix things and let them go. Let them go and start over new. Trying to fix the broken pieces are just going to break you even more. Things happen for a reason and all you have to do is learn and move on. Stop dwelling on the past, stop thinking about the future, and live in the present. Things go from good to bad in an instance sometimes, but hey life goes on as much as you think it wont, it does. Stop trying to fix things and let them go and start something new. Start a new begining for yourself and dont look back at the past. The past is what holds you back.