- Threw another party, in which I got sick at, but it turned out to be a lot more people then I thought.
- I went on a cruise and went to Port Canaveral, FL., Islands of Adventures in Orlando, FL. Free Port and Nassau Bahamas in which I was legal to drink and bought my own drinks at the bar.
- Realized that I actually do love Steven and I am learning to feel something once again without forcing myself.
- Got to go to some of Trent’s baseball games.
- Graduated from college for now with my A.A, until I decided to go back to get an “actual degree”.
- Spent a day in the harbor and a night in fells point including the Aquarium, hooters, staying at a haunted inn, oysters, maggie moo’s, and just exploring the city with my love.
- Seen Sophia a little more, including bonfires, but I need to see her more.
- Went to a gun range.
- Went to three carnivals.
- Had a few get together’s at Stevens place with his and my friends.
- Spent time with Steve’s friends as he spent some time with mine.
- Spent one weekend in Ocean City, where the hotel was in my name and I paid for it.
- Barely drink, including this summer and by far for almost the whole year.
- Meet Steven’s friends parents.
- Went to Warped Tour 2013, where I meet Bert from the used and finally got to see silverstein live.
- Road up to PA to go to a mall to find this amazing old school game shop and Michael was able to show us the area he lives at around Philly, and even got to see the city on the way home.
- Had to pee in a bucket on the way home from ocean city and a cup on the way home from PA, in the car.
- Went to a psychic with Sophia.
- Went to Art Scape 2013.
- Been going to the gym more with Sophia.
And there are so many more things that have happened that I honestly cant think of right now because I am thinking too hard and trying to perfectly organize them. But there are also so many more things that are ahead of me for the rest of the summer. Really there is only one more month left, and in that month there are so many new things coming up and so many changes around the corner. For now I am done with updating, I need sleep and actually it is quite early, but for me now this is past my bed time.
Since I’ve actually sat down and let all my thoughts out. Although honestly right now I’m a little tired and I probably should go to bed right now, I want to begin my post and blogs for the next few days, more then likely. I need a more organized approach to situations or events that have and are going to occur. Things that I need to take care of an get out of the way as soon as I can so I can have a free mind. It’s time for to do list and for catching myself up to events that have occur and that are going to occur. I am going to begin with pictures that I have never posted before…
I hate leaving him. I wish I could just stay with him. I don’t want to go on this cruise cause I don’t want to be away from him. Schools over, thank god, but I didn’t do as good as I wanted to. I was doing so good until finals week…got a c in math instead of maintaing my b. I’m scared to look at my web standards class. I had an a all semester, but I think I’m leaving the class with a b. I have an a in my stress management class 609 out of 610 points and only got a 98 out of 100 on my final…and then the criminal justice class I’m hoping I got an a but I might have gotten a b, which I can settle for. Schools over with and everything can stp being so crazy now. Now ill have every other weekend off and a day off during the week. Now I can actually enjoy an off day and not do homework all day on it. Now I can, and should have before, have time for friends. Azaria is coming to visit this wee and I can’t wait to see her. I haven’t seen her since july! But ill only see her for like one or two days because I leave for acruise on Sunday, which I don’t even want to go on anymore…I just miss himalot right now and wish I was sleeping next to him. I miss sleeping next to him. I can sleep when I’m next to him. I miss waking up with him. I miss him telling me no and to stay and the kisses and hugging. I just miss him. It breaks my heart to leave him. He’s wonderful, he’s amazing, he’s awesome, he’s the best. Him and I are seriously inseperable and we always enjoy our company. We never run out of things to say and we always. Kind of know what we are thinking when we want to eat or do something. Its awesome. We are like two pees in a pod. That was kind of weird saying, but its the truth. I just miss him and the way he looks at me, hoolds me, kisses me, touches me, and the things that we can talk about. I miss everything about him and I don’t want to be away from him.
Philippa Rice, on Tumblr
can i just say this whole thing really confuses me…but i think i get it after starring at it and re reading it for 5 mintues straight…
I was able to tell someone a few things. He wasnt mad or anything and we had a real serious conversation without getting mad at each other. But once again you stopped talking to me. At first I wasnt understanding what you were saying but then when I realized that you stopped talking to me, I realized what you meant. I didnt want to say it to you because I dont really know how you would react. I know it wont or wouldnt change anything and I dont want anything to change. Yes I would love another chance with you, and yes I miss you deeply, and yes I really wish I was yours and you were mine, but right now is not the time for us to be together and I understand and I get that. Sometimes its hard and sometimes it makes me sad and angry, but I get over it and I remind myself that it wouldnt be right. Besides you have a girlfriend and I know what you told me about the situation, but still you have a girlfriend and I respect that. I just wish you would stop ending the conversation without saying anything back. It makes me mad. I feel like im getting so close to a clousre or to getting over it all for good, but then you just dont respond back. Then I get all caught up in you for a couple days, then I start getting over it all once again, and then bam out of fucking no where here you come again. You say things that become misleading and then I cant get you off of my mind. You cant keep doing this, its not fair at all, it doesnt help at all. And like I told you Im not trying to forget about you, I will never forget about you. Im just trying to lose all my feelings for you so that when we talk its a lot easier. So that I dont assume things, that in the end I know wont or cant happen. Like I told you if I cant have you or be with you then all I want is for us to be friends. But friends dont talk the way that we sometimes do. Im getting in crazy mode were I want to ask if I can drive over to your house and we can just sit in my car and talk about everything and anything. It doesnt have to be about us and I dont want it to be about us, I want you to willing sit and talk to me about anything and everything that is on your mind, or how you feel, or what you want to do or what you’ve done. You say that you care for me and you will be here for me, and all I want is for someone to talk to and for someone to talk to me. Hold on till may, please listen to it.
but i know i will again sooner or later. letting go isnt that hard, but its not that easy at the same time. i was over it all until you started talking to me and we arent talking now so ill be over it all once again soon and im pretty sure this time it will be for real and this wont come back.
Its a lot harder than it seems, but it has to happen. Its really hard to be committed or stick to the things you want to do. Everything takes time though. In my opinion I don’t think people really think about the things in their future until last mintue. I mean I know some people do, but I think most people don’t and I have to admit I am one of them. I think that I didn’t really think about the things ahead of me when I was younger and now is the time where all the things I should have thought about are getting thrown at me and I have no idea what to do. But I’m working on it the best way I can. I didn’t think of sacrifices that I might have to make or anything like that. All I thought about when I was younger was party party party, and that is exactly what I did. But now I’m growing up and I have grown up and those things that I thought about back then don’t mean a thing to me now. My party days are overrated to me now. Honestly when it comes to the weekends now instead of think about getting drunk I’m think about the early working day that I need, things I need to get done, and getting enough sleep for the next working day. I need to breathe and stop worrying about the things that could go wrong and worry about the things that are ahead of me. I need to work on my actions and “attitudes” or “fustrations” and stop letting them get the best of me. I need to build and think of my future now. I have to make sacrifices and I’m ready to make them.