Philippa Rice, on Tumblr
can i just say this whole thing really confuses me…but i think i get it after starring at it and re reading it for 5 mintues straight…
so today a lot was taken off of my chest
I was able to tell someone a few things. He wasnt mad or anything and we had a real serious conversation without getting mad at each other. But once again you stopped talking to me. At first I wasnt understanding what you were saying but then when I realized that you stopped talking to me, I realized what you meant. I didnt want to say it to you because I dont really know how you would react. I know it wont or wouldnt change anything and I dont want anything to change. Yes I would love another chance with you, and yes I miss you deeply, and yes I really wish I was yours and you were mine, but right now is not the time for us to be together and I understand and I get that. Sometimes its hard and sometimes it makes me sad and angry, but I get over it and I remind myself that it wouldnt be right. Besides you have a girlfriend and I know what you told me about the situation, but still you have a girlfriend and I respect that. I just wish you would stop ending the conversation without saying anything back. It makes me mad. I feel like im getting so close to a clousre or to getting over it all for good, but then you just dont respond back. Then I get all caught up in you for a couple days, then I start getting over it all once again, and then bam out of fucking no where here you come again. You say things that become misleading and then I cant get you off of my mind. You cant keep doing this, its not fair at all, it doesnt help at all. And like I told you Im not trying to forget about you, I will never forget about you. Im just trying to lose all my feelings for you so that when we talk its a lot easier. So that I dont assume things, that in the end I know wont or cant happen. Like I told you if I cant have you or be with you then all I want is for us to be friends. But friends dont talk the way that we sometimes do. Im getting in crazy mode were I want to ask if I can drive over to your house and we can just sit in my car and talk about everything and anything. It doesnt have to be about us and I dont want it to be about us, I want you to willing sit and talk to me about anything and everything that is on your mind, or how you feel, or what you want to do or what you’ve done. You say that you care for me and you will be here for me, and all I want is for someone to talk to and for someone to talk to me. Hold on till may, please listen to it.
im not mad anymore right now….
but i know i will again sooner or later. letting go isnt that hard, but its not that easy at the same time. i was over it all until you started talking to me and we arent talking now so ill be over it all once again soon and im pretty sure this time it will be for real and this wont come back.
Re-evaluating everything.
Its a lot harder than it seems, but it has to happen. Its really hard to be committed or stick to the things you want to do. Everything takes time though. In my opinion I don’t think people really think about the things in their future until last mintue. I mean I know some people do, but I think most people don’t and I have to admit I am one of them. I think that I didn’t really think about the things ahead of me when I was younger and now is the time where all the things I should have thought about are getting thrown at me and I have no idea what to do. But I’m working on it the best way I can. I didn’t think of sacrifices that I might have to make or anything like that. All I thought about when I was younger was party party party, and that is exactly what I did. But now I’m growing up and I have grown up and those things that I thought about back then don’t mean a thing to me now. My party days are overrated to me now. Honestly when it comes to the weekends now instead of think about getting drunk I’m think about the early working day that I need, things I need to get done, and getting enough sleep for the next working day. I need to breathe and stop worrying about the things that could go wrong and worry about the things that are ahead of me. I need to work on my actions and “attitudes” or “fustrations” and stop letting them get the best of me. I need to build and think of my future now. I have to make sacrifices and I’m ready to make them.
